Tag Archives: relationships

Just Get married…STOP making Excuses

I absolutely love seeing men step up to the plate and BE MEN! In this generation where marriage seems to be unorthodox…It’s time to kill that noise. And LIFT UP A STANDARD..

MARRIAGE IS BEAUTIFUL!  MARRIAGE IS HEALTHY! MARRIAGE IS GOD 🙂

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To put it another way, she upgraded me.

journalist T.J. Holmes penned a beautiful essay for The Root explaining why he married his wife, Marilee Fiebig. He begins the essay by discussing how great his life was prior to marrying Marilee, but concludes by sharing how much better his life has been because of that decision. An excerpt from his essay reads:

“Not only is my marriage still intact, it’s actually working pretty well, and that made me uncomfortable. You see, I didn’t fully understand why my marriage was flourishing, and I feared that if I didn’t understand what we were doing right, how would we know what to keep doing?

Well, I think I’ve figured it out, and my eureka moment came just this week as I was putting together a business email. I asked my wife to review it, and she thought the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and negative. She was right. Her input stopped me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of our entire relationship. In all I do, I have a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a mistake, no matter how great or small.

Also, I’m still the same guy at my core, but look at what has changed in my life since I got married: My family and I are closer, my individual net worth has gone up every year since we met, I’ve learned a second language, I’m healthier, I use the n-word less, I listen to Sunday church service more, I’m a better friend, I’m more forgiving than I used to be, I’m more involved in charitable work.

In every way, I’m better off because I’m married. So, for me, a successful marriage has revolved around this principle: I like who I am with her.”

My pastor always reminds me: You should get around people who make you say to yourself, “I gotta do better.” I married the person who makes me say that to myself every day. I want her to be proud of me. Her presence is constant motivation. I don’t always succeed, but I’m always at least trying to do the right thing or improve, and in doing so, I’ve become a better son, friend, journalist, citizen and husband.

I, like many other men, thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success before marriage. You know, make the right amount of money, get the right job, the right car, the right crib, etc., and perhaps “sow the royal oats.” Now, I firmly believe the success we seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way. Believe me, my ego is as big as anyone’s, but recognizing my own deficiencies, admitting to myself that I need help and accepting that help have all been critical to our success. We’re only on year No. 4, but I shudder to think of the kind of man I might be if I wasn’t married these past four years.”

michael-ealy marries Khatira Rafiqzada

Actor Michael Ealy reveals that although he didn’t marry what he would consider “his type,” jumping the broom was a well thought out mature decision after four years in a relationship with his girlfriend Khatira Rafiqzada.

For Michael, he realized that it wasn’t about trying to live up to the romance in the movies. He found a woman he wanted to spend his life with and wifed her up.

On why he decided to get married
Well, you know me, and you know that I am an extremely private person. But what I can say is that I’m not a young cat anymore. I’ve gone through my share of relationships […]. I can relate to Danny in [About Last Night], because I was him. So when I watched the film I was so happy that I had matured beyond that point in my life.

Don’t get me wrong; marriage opens up an entirely different can of worms as it pertains to your evolution as a man. I’ve found that for me, the timing of it was right … that’s all that I can really say. And that’s a personal decision that was not made in haste, because we were together for four years. But when you find someone — and that’s something that is very hard to do … but when you find someone that you actually want to spend the rest of your life with, you have to go for it. I was just very lucky that the stars lined up for me.

On his advice to men who are apprehensive about taking the next step
While, I don’t consider myself a person that should write a book, or give advice on relationships, what I will share is my personal perspective. What helped me along the way was I had two personal friends of mine whose fiancés died. And I went through a personal struggle where my father got really sick, and I spent a week with him … and it just dawned on me that we don’t have as much time as we think. And when you’re done playing games, and you find someone who has qualities that are much more practical as opposed to romanticized ideals, then you’ve got to hold on to them.

People think that you’re supposed to marry your type … well, I didn’t marry my type. It’s much more practical, and based in a day-to-day existence. So when you have that, and you’re happy, and you love her, don’t waste time. Because time — and I’ve learned that at this point in my life — time is my most precious commodity. Nothing is more precious than time. Because when it runs out … that’s it.

 

Which brings me to the next topic…Living Together before Marriage

My opionon: If you are going to  sign “BOTH” names on the lease…why not just get married.  You are doing everything BUT so why not…

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